she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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