There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
