Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
