Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize