There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found your dick twin last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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