I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
COCAINE IS GR8
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
