my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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