hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
