i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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