I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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