I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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