I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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