Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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