listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at about main and main street
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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