Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
