I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
