I am puke
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
