did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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