handjob tips. give me some.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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