Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
