Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
