and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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