College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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