My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
