We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
