so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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