I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My ATM looks so different sober.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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