I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
