Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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