So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
