I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
