If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
