Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
