the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
