Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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