you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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