You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
