My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
