I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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