Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
