Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
