that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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