Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
