What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
