and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
