The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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