sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
