look no pants
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
