When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
