I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
