ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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