you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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