she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
