youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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