please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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