Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
