I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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