You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
