end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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