Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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