with your own penis?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize